The New York Times recently published this article about a coed commune focused on female sexuality. The founder Nicole Daedone created One Taste Urban Retreat Center, a place for individuals to consider female sexuality in a different light. The mainstream idea is that it is something mysterious or elusive or wrong. Men don't understand it; women are ashamed of it; everyone dismisses it. However, Daedone perceives female sexuality as a tool similar to meditation, something you use to learn more about yourself and your relationship. In this community, women and men practice "orgasmic meditation" in which men bring women to orgasm while both parties focus on those feelings of coming and giving. One man, a 50-year-old Silicon Valley engineer, says it helps his concentration at work because it forces him to focus on this tiny part of a woman's body and to consider its larger consequences.
I find it funny that there is an air of mysticism and enlightenment about the whole thing, that we have to mix the female orgasm with meditation and yoga to make it seem clearer and more magical. Daedone recounts her first experience with such sexual meditation, with a Budddhist who practiced contemplative sexuality: "He invited her to lie down unclothed,...and, while stroking her, proceeded to narrate in tender detail the beauty he saw, the colors that went from coral, to deep rose, to pearlescent pink. 'I just broke open, and the feeling was pure and clean,' Ms. Daedone said." It sounds beautiful, actually, like a man speaking poetry to his lover.
To me, though, that's not meditation. That's not focus or concentration. That's a man who pays attention. That is a man who watches a woman and cares about her experience, who connects with her in her way, not his. A man who pays attention, who recognizes the difference between a woman's ideal experience and a man's, who is humble and selfless enough to connect to her through her mind and her desires--this isn't magical. It shouldn't be. It should be reality.
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